Dreams and Nightmares
by SummersRain04
Summary: Sometimes it doesn't end with happily ever after, sometimes you are left picking up the pieces of a broken heart and sometimes you are left to hold together a life marred by grief. Buffy and Giles were together, happy and in love, looking forward to a life together when a routine patrol turns deadly. Completely AU set around season 5. Warning character death


**DISCLAIMER: **The story is mine, the rest is the property of Joss, WB, Mutant Enemy, etc.

**A/N: **I had an image pop into my head a few days ago while I was writing for the other two and I had to write it down. I don't know why I saw this but I did, I hope you like it, K x

**Dreams and Nightmares**

He stalked the cemetery in silence, his ears straining to pick up the slightest noise that would alert him to her presence.

He knew she was here, where she always was. It was where she had been two nights ago when he had been once again knocked unconscious after the vampires had converged on them. She had been magnificent, as always, shrugging them off as if they were inconsequential gnats and he had heard her strangled cry when the vampire had latched onto his neck. It had been the last thing he had heard. The last thing he had seen was her trying to get to him with a wild desperation.

He had woken up in the hospital the morning after, the worried faces of Willow and Xander sitting either side of his bed. But she wasn't there.

He had closed his eyes and heard her laugh as he'd tickled her before their patrol the night before. His heart beat thudding painfully in his chest when he remembered the love in her eyes when he had stopped, both of them panting heavily from their laughter as she brought her hand up to his cheek and brought his face to hers.

He opened his eyes and Willow started to cry when he looked at her, the unspoken question screaming at her from every worried line on his face. He turned his head and saw the tears on Xanders face as well and stared at the ceiling as his own tears started to fall, sliding down the sides of his face and into his ears. Finally allowing the knowledge to seep into his brain even as his memories seemed to burn brighter, trying to eclipse the truth.

They had only found her stake, broken in two and ground into the dirt. The only sign anything had happened was the gouges in the earth next to where they had found him. Spike had gone with them and had told them about the blood he could smell and had run off to track it, leaving Xander and Willow nothing to do but go to the hospital and sit by his side.

He had stayed until the next morning waiting for the all clear and the dizziness to subside, showered and dressed in the clothes Xander had brought him then stopped by his flat for five minutes before going straight to the cemetery for himself. He needed to know. He couldn't stay home, couldn't rest, not yet, not until he was sure. He needed to be the one to…

He whirled at her sad sigh and his eyes widened as he took in her appearance. She was standing ten feet from him almost completely obscured by the hanging branches of the willow tree she was standing under, close to where they had been ambushed. But he could see enough that he felt his heart stutter to a stop before leaping into a frantic pounding. She was dirty, her new silk top was bloody and torn, exposing a milky white breast covered in the dried blood left behind by healed bite marks, naked from the waist down, dried blood crusting between her thighs.

He tried to remain strong, he tried to stop the agonised sob that tore out of his throat when he realised what had happened to her. He tried to remain on his feet but the strength left him in a rush of breath and he found himself on his knees in front of her, his eyes glued to her face and the twisted, hateful expression marring her beautiful features.

"Don't you like what you see anymore Giles?" she asked him in a soft, detached and emotionless voice, "Don't you like what they did to me after you passed out?"

She took a single step closer and stood directly under the glow from the full moon hanging peacefully in the night sky above them, showing him her new face and his throat closed on the agonised cry that tumbled from his mouth as he fell back, his legs shooting out in front of him as his hands fell back to stop him falling completely.

"They tore at me Giles," she whispered, watching his reaction when she changed back without expression. "They laughed as they beat at me with their fists, their feet, chunks of this tree," she said looking up at the sky through the unnatural gap in it's branches. She looked back at him and sneered at his tears, "They pinned me down next to you as they tore off my clothes, clawed at my skin. Their breath stank of decay as they laughed in my face while they brutalised me".

She took another slow step closer and another until she was directly in front of him, "They ripped me open while they had their fun, biting at me as they moaned in pleasure, over and over again" she said as she knelt down next to him, bringing her hand to his face, "I called for you, begged you to wake up and save me Giles" she whispered, tears glittering in her eyes the only sign of emotion on her face.

He sat up suddenly and pushed himself to his knees, reaching for her even as tears coursed down his face, not caring about the danger she was now, "My love, I'm sorry" he whispered, his voice hoarse with the need to sob and shout his grief to the heavens.

She stood with a snarl and paced in front of him, "You're sorry, you lay there unconscious as I died and you're sorry" she said sarcastically with a voice dripping with disdain, anger now burning from her eyes.

She whirled on him and lifted him effortlessly to his feet, "I loved you with a passion that killed me" she whispered and just for a second he saw the love in her eyes.

He couldn't help it, he leaned in and brushed a kiss on her lips, not caring that he tasted fresh blood when she shoved her tongue in his mouth. He brought a hand up to grip the back of her head as she let her hands fall to his side and pull him closer.

"Spike found me just as I rose," she whispered against his mouth, looking him in the eyes as a hand moved farther south and rubbed over his groin, "he killed the ones who killed me," she increased the pressure when she felt no response from him, "then I killed him"

He jerked his head back a fraction to stare at her in disbelief, his eyes searching hers, for what he wasn't sure but he knew he would recognise it when he saw it. Feeling her hand on him but not feeling it at the same time, not the way she wanted him too.

"I love you Buffy," he whispered, softly brushing his lips over hers, "you always meant everything to me and yes, I am sorrier than you will ever know that I couldn't save you, that I couldn't stop them," he brushed his lips over hers again, harder this time as he waited for what he was looking for. He released his hold on her head and brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek as he smiled sadly at her, "my life has always been yours my love, my Buffy, my heart" he whispered, his breath washing over her face.

And then he saw it, the spark of humanity in her eyes, the slight movement of her lips as they turned down at his words, the tear that trailed down her cheek as she slid her eyes shut. He kissed her again, his heart shattering when she returned the kiss just as he plunged the stake into her heart.

She stepped back in surprise and looked at him with such love and gratitude that he stopped breathing.

"I love you" she whispered just before she disintegrated, leaving nothing but a pile of ash on the ground in front of him.

He followed her descent shaking with pain and grief at what he had just done. His tears falling from his eyes thick and fast making the gravestones around him shake as his vision blurred. He stared down at her, his hand reaching forward of its own volition, stopping before it came in contact with the cold ash.

He moved on autopilot. Removing the ornate antique box from the bag he had brought and muttered a spell under his breath, resorting to magic in his need to make sure he had all of her, and watched as her remains lifted in a spiral and settled gently into the box he held in his hands.

Once he was satisfied he had gotten it all, pocketing the one thing that hadn't turned to ash as he snapped the lid closed, he returned the items to his bag then set off home in detached silence, desperate to get there before his resolve crumbled. He had to finish it before the others found him.

He ran through his courtyard and through his front door, skidding to a stop when he found Willow and Xander waiting for him.

"Giles," Willow said hesitantly as she took a step forward, her eyes filled with tears and a desperate pleading "don't do it"

"Do what?" he asked gruffly as he gently placed the bag on his desk and scrubbed a hand over his face before turning back to face them.

"Kill yourself" Xander said angrily, covering the short distance between them in a few strides and swinging a fist at his head.

Giles dodged the fist and shoved him back, watching dispassionately as he fell backwards onto the sofa.

"Giles stop it! Just stop it!" Willow cried rushing over to him and putting her hands on his chest forcing him to stop, "We loved her too but we can't lose you, we need you" she told him, tears running down her face.

He looked down at her and his resolve crumbled along with his face, the reality of what he had done finally penetrating the fog that was clouding his mind as he collapsed to the floor, Willow wrapping him in her arms as they both cried. Xander righted himself and glared at the older man even as his tears rolled unheeded down his face. After a few minutes he stood and walked towards them, reaching a hand out as he helped them to their feet.

Xander wrapped an arm around Willow as she wiped her face with the bottom of her sweater and they both watched as he gently touched the bag on his desk, his head bowed with grief as he slowly unzipped it.

He turned to face them with the box held tightly in his hands, the light glittering off the ornate gilt frame as he looked down at it, the tears still flowing, dripping onto the surface of the lid as his breath hitched. He looked up at them and tried to smile but he couldn't do it.

"Is that…?" Xander asked, swallowing heavily when he looked up at them, his eyes dull except for the glittering of tears.

"Yes," he whispered, "I found her"

Willow started to shake even as a low keening wail burst out of her and she collapsed to the floor, burying her face in her hands, her anguished sobs echoing in the oppressive silence of the flat. Xander staggered back until his knees hit the edge of the chair behind him and he dropped into it. He kept his eyes on Giles as he tried to breathe through the tearing pain in his chest and watched as he lifted the box to his chest and hugged it before turning and making his way up the stairs.

Xander stood and hurried after him, still worried he would kill himself, and raced up the stairs two at a time until he reached the loft. He stopped dead at the top of the stairs when he saw Giles sitting on the edge of his bed. He noticed the rumpled quilt was pulled up on one side and the pillows piled into the middle against the headboard, he blinked at the sight of Buffys things scattered across the top of his dresser, the bra that was peeking out from under the bed.

He shook his head as he returned his attention to Giles and watched as he stood, his hand disappearing into his pocket before bringing out a chain. He recognised it as one Buffy had been wearing lately and suddenly everything clicked into place as he watched Giles wind it around his fist until the ring that was hanging from it was clenched tightly in his hand.

"You were together" he said stepping forward as Giles moved to the closet.

Giles blinked at him and nodded, closing his eyes as he stood with the box gripped tightly in his hands.

"How long?" Willow asked from the doorway, sniffing as she wiped at her eyes.

"Not long enough" he whispered, opening his eyes and staring at them blankly.

XXXXXXXXXXX

That same night he had driven a stake through her heart, he had taken the first flight to England and had returned to his flat in Bath, Buffy by his side. He had finally told Xander and Willow that he had never wanted to kill himself, angry they thought he would dishonour her that way. He had planned to leave without a goodbye, not able to stand the looks on their faces when he told them he couldn't live where her memory would never stop tormenting him.

Willow had understood and had helped him pack even though her heart was breaking. Xander didn't say a word, just turned and walked back down the stairs where he waited, keys in hand and drove him to the airport.

Just before he left the car he told Xander he could live in his flat and he had agreed telling him that he would leave as soon as he came back, ignoring him when he said he wouldn't be.

The day after he had returned he had taken Buffy to the glass shop in town and had three globes made with her ashes encased in the glass. He sent the swirling blue one to Xander and the one with pink and red twisting around each other to Willow with a little note in each telling them what they were.

His globe had a beautiful rich purple twisting around a deep forest green with silvery, glittering bubbles throughout. It sat on his mantle directly in the shaft of sunlight that hit it every morning at dawn, the flames from the candles around it at night making it look as though it was alive. He had sent a small amount of her ashes to a company that made memorial jewellery and now wore the gold band with the clear resin stone containing her ashes on the ring finger of his left hand.

He absently rubbed at it with his thumb as he waited at the train station for Willow and Xander to arrive, visiting him for the first time in a year after contacting him out of the blue a month before to tell him they were coming. He saw them step out of the station and waved, forcing a smile onto his face as he saw their reaction to his appearance.

He hadn't left his flat for more than a few hours in the last year except to travel to London. Visiting the council offices to tell them about the circumstances of Buffys death, perform the ritual that severed his guardianship of the Slayer as her Watcher and to accept a job as a translator for the archives department with the proviso that he could stay in Bath.

Travers had surprised him with his consideration of his circumstances and had accepted his terms without argument even offering him more money than he was already getting. He had blinked in surprise at the uncharacteristic kindness and had nodded, shaking his hand and leaving without another word.

He had trolled London in search of Angel, knowing he was there after he had gotten a letter from Wesley telling him about what had happened in the aftermath of Cordelia's death and subsequent victory over Wolfram and Hart, his brain shutting down the memory of Buffys reaction to the news before he could fully remember it. He had found him in a surprisingly light and airy office in Soho, standing at his desk with a confused and wary scowl on his face when he saw him.

"Why are you in London Giles? Where's Buffy?" Angel had asked him, his remorse at what Angelus had done still plain on his face.

Before he could answer Wesley had appeared and smiled warmly at him in greeting before he looked at his face and his smile turned to ice.

"So it's true" he whispered dropping into the chair that he had been offered upon his arrival.

Giles nodded once then turned his attention back to Angel, "She's dead so is Spike" he said coldly then turned to leave without another word.

Hearing Wesley call out a warning he spun and saw Angel stalking towards him, a cold fury on his face.

"How?" he demanded and Giles saw red.

"How do you think?" he spat stepping towards him, his fists clenched at his side, "We were together, happy, patrolling the usual route and we were set upon by dozens of them. We were holding our own until I was surprised from behind by one latching on to my throat," his hand unconsciously strayed to the site of the two small crescent scars that adorned his neck.

His eyes drifted for a second before they snapped back to Angel, not seeing Wesley standing behind him, "She fought to get to me and pulled him off, staking him and then, then she..." he swallowed with difficulty then shook himself, "She told me when I found her what happened. They beat her, they brutalised her, they turned her...while I lay next to her"

Angel shook his head in denial as Wesley moaned in pain behind them, "Is she still…?"

"No, I took care of it, I took care of her" he said, his thumb twisting the ring on his finger.

Angels gaze snapped back to him and he stared at him, searching his face for what he suspected he knew, "Spike?" he asked instead of the question he wanted to ask.

"She killed him after he took vengeance on the ones who killed her, I don't know why" he whispered, staring at the ring on his finger as he twisted it compulsively.

"You loved her" Angel said softly following his gaze and seeing the ring.

"We loved each other" Giles said staring him defiantly in the eye.

He nodded once to Wesley then left.

He snapped out of his reverie in time to be set upon by a sobbing Willow, Xander standing back and giving him an unsettling inspection.

"I'm ok Willow" he said rubbing her back soothingly before she stepped back and sniffed, smiling at him through her tears.

"Bullshit, you look like you haven't eaten a decent meal since you left" Xander said after he had hugged him, "Is scotch your best friend now or is it brandy?"

"Scotch, sometimes beer or wine" he admitted, not seeing the point in denying what was obvious, then turned and walked back to the car knowing they would follow.

He drove them back to his flat and showed them to their rooms, deliberately ignoring Willows questioning glance when he locked the door at the end of the hall next to the room he told them was his.

He phoned in a Chinese order, leaving them to get settled and he made up a tray and set it on the coffee table. His eyes strayed to Buffy on his mantle and he stood in front of her, the urn with the rest of her ashes sat directly behind the globe and he rested his hands on it, his thumb absently stroking the white marble as his mind took him to a happier time.

"Giles?"

Willows voice snapped him back to the present and he turned to face her, smile firmly in place, "Tea?" he asked gesturing to the tray as he sat in the armchair closest to the fire.

Willows eyes stayed glued to the marble urn until he coughed, dragging her attention away from it. She looked at him watching her then stepped towards the fire place, hand extended to touch the smooth almost glowing surface.

"Don't!" he snapped standing and blocking her path.

She turned startled eyes towards him and stepped back, "I'm sorry it's just..."

He sighed and gestured for her to sit, "I'm sorry Willow" he whispered, smiling sadly, "But please, don't touch her, I can't...I'm sorry"

Willow reached across and gripped his hand in hers and smiled kindly at him, "It's ok, I understand, I don't let anyone touch my globe"

He heaved a sigh of relief and patted the hand holding his, "Tea?" he asked again and sat forward to pour when she nodded.

"Giles, why did you lock that door?" Xander asked coming into the room with a yawn.

"It's my study" he said then offered Xander a cup, "It has sensitive materials that I'm translating for the council inside".

Xander searched the lifeless green eyes for signs he was lying then he took the offered cup and sat next to Willow, satisfied that he found none.

"I've ordered a Chinese for dinner, I hope you don't mind" Giles said as he sat back with his own cup, avoiding looking at them directly.

"Sounds good, how are you really doing Giles?" Xander asked cutting Willow off before she could form a word.

He swallowed his tea and stared at Xanders knowing gaze, "I eat, I sleep, I drink, I work" he said quietly, "I'm alive"

"But you're not living Giles" Willow whispered, her hands wrapped around her cup.

Xander snorted and picked up his mug, "You're not eating that much, booze isn't a substitute and you can't be sleeping that often coz the dark circles under your eyes are making you look half dead," he said bluntly, ignoring willows startled gaze, "and when was the last time you left this place, opened a window even?"

"Xander" Giles said his tone and accompanying glare warning him to drop it.

"No, not this time," Xander said glaring right back at him, "do you have any idea how worried we've been, how we thought every time the phone rang it was someone to tell us you were dead?"

Giles closed his eyes and looked at Buffy, "I'm sorry" he whispered, "I never meant to worry you. I know I should have kept in touch but I, I couldn't bring myself to call and every time I started to write a letter I realised I had nothing to say" he said sadly, looking back at them, his mouth twisted in a self pitying grimace, "You're right, I don't leave the house except to buy food and alcohol, I translate texts and scrolls for the council and I sit here with her, talking to her..." he trailed off as he looked back at her.

Willow bit back a sob at the pain on his face as he looked at her urn, "Buffy wouldn't want that for you Giles and you know it, she told you often enough"

"I know Willow and I do try but," he sighed and looked at her, "it doesn't feel right without her with me"

Xander sat back, "How do you think we feel?" he whispered, his glare softening slightly, "We didn't just lose Buffy Giles, we lost you too"

Giles hung his head and sighed, "I couldn't stay, maybe in time I could return for a visit, but not yet"

"We understand Giles, really we do" Willow said leaning forward to put her cup on the tray, "But what we can't get our heads round is why you blame yourself"

He looked up at her, startled at her insight and glanced at Xander, seeing his glare had softened to one of concern and he sighed, "Because they did what they did while I was laying unconscious a few feet from her" he whispered unable to meet their eyes.

"What did they do Giles? You never..." Xander asked sitting forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

Giles continued to stare blankly at her urn, his memory of her standing under the light of the full moon as she told him what they did playing in full technicolour in his minds eye.

"You don't need to know the specifics" he said looking at the half empty cup in his hands and desperately wishing he could fill it with the scotch hidden in his study, "But she was beaten and turned and I killed her"

"Whether we need to know the specifics or not, it will help you to talk about it" Willow said in a gentle voice reaching for his hand only to blink in surprise when he moved it out of her reach.

"The council have a specially trained psychologist on staff who I have spoken to" he said hollowly, "what he said is that I have survivors guilt, post traumatic stress disorder and a severe case of depression all of which we discuss in a weekly phone call"

"Oh" Xander said, sitting back with a scowl on his face, "So you can talk to a complete stranger but not to us"

"You don't need the burden of the knowledge of her death" he said staring him straight in the eye, "you don't need to be burdened with the dreams and nightmares that plague my life. You don't need to s...see it play out in every excruciating detail whenever you close your eyes"

Xander paled and Willow sobbed as they suddenly realised the damage that had been done, what he had been protecting them from.

"You don't need to see me fall apart a hundred times a day because I hear a song, relive a memory, hear a woman that laughs just like her, see the same shade of blonde hair reflecting the sunlight, smell her perfume" he said his face reddening with anger and frustration, "That is why I don't go out, that is why I drink to numb everything because I can't face feeling...anything, because I was alive with her!"

He stood and stormed from the room, taking her urn and globe with him, leaving them staring at his empty chair in shocked silence..

"What do we say when he asks why we came?" Xander asked a few minutes later, his voice hoarse from the tears that wanted to fall.

"The truth" Willow said with a sniff.

"Oh that'll go over well," Xander said, snorting derisively, "I can just imagine his reaction to the news that Buffy told us to come"

XXXXXXXXXXX

He stayed in his office until the next morning. He hadn't slept, just distracted himself by diving into the pile of ancient tomes that had been delivered the previous week. He had made some progress in the hours before sunrise and his need to see the sunlight hit her overwhelmed him.

He unlocked his study, locking it again before he tread almost silently into the living room with her cradled in his arms, the globe held against his chest. He put her back on the mantle, fussing slightly to get her position just right then stood back and watched the suns ascent in silence.

When he saw the first rays burst over the horizon he faced her and smiled as the light bounced off the urn making it glow, the globe bursting into life.

"Giles"

He spun at the sound of her voice, his heart roaring to life at that whisper. But it wasn't her. Willow stood in the hall, just out of reach of the sunlight slowly creeping across the floor, her concerned eyes following every move he made.

"We need to talk" she said, her heart breaking as she watched the joy vanish from his eyes, and stepped forward until she was standing in front of him.

He looked at her, really looked at her and saw what he hadn't seen yesterday in his desperate need to keep them from seeing the depth of his pain. She was hiding something from him, something she knew would hurt him.

"Why are you here Willow?" he asked, watching her blush and look away from him towards Buffy.

"She sent us" she said in a whisper and looked back at him, her eyes now glowing with determination, "We, Xander and I, had the same dream a few months ago, freaked us out" she told him with a sad smile, "When we got done with the crying thing we called each other and it was the exact same dream"

"What did you dream?" he asked, wanting to know but hoping she wouldn't tell him.

"It was the three of us, sitting in the quad like we always did when we were in Highschool," she started before pulling him over to the sofa and pushing him down, sitting next to him with his hand held tightly in hers, "We knew we were dreaming because she glowed you know, like actually glowed" she looked down at their hands when he gripped her tighter, "She hugged us, told us she missed us and that she was sorry she didn't get to say goodbye but that we shouldn't be sad anymore, that she was happy and she was watching over us"

He began to cry, hating her a little for being given this chance and he tried to pull away from her.

"No Giles you need to hear this!" she snapped and he looked up at her determined face.

"She told us that you were in pain, that you needed to stop blaming yourself and she started to cry because she knew you were trying to contact her and she couldn't go to you, that if you saw her then she would stay alive for you and she needed you to live again and not hide away from the world" she huffed a chuckle, "she actually scolded us for letting you come back here, told us we should have kept you close and looked after you and then Xander pointed out that you were as stubborn as she was and she laughed and said 'Why do you think I loved him so much?'"

He sobbed and dropped his chin to his chest as the tears dripped into his lap, "What does she want me to do?" he asked brokenly.

"Live Giles, she wants you to live, to put her urn away and stop hiding away from the world" Willow said ducking her head to see his face, "She doesn't want you to give up or hate yourself for how she died"

"They brutalised her while I was laying three feet from her Willow, how can I not hate myself for that?" he asked finally looking at her.

"I don't know" she whispered, "but you had lost almost half your blood, even if you had woken up all you could have done is watch helplessly as they killed her"

He blinked at her in surprise and took a deep breath, feeling some of the weight he had been carrying lift from his shoulders, "You're right" he said surprising her and he huffed a humourless chuckle, "I think I've always known that I couldn't have done anything but I didn't want to accept it"

"She was your everything Giles, how could you accept it" she told him kindly and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder and twisting her hand in his until she had linked their fingers.

They sat in silence until Xander joined them twenty minutes later, yawning loudly as he padded into the room.

"Would you like me to make you breakfast?" he asked them earning a surprised blink from Xander.

"You mean I'm actually going to get to taste your eggs again?" Xander asked dropping into the armchair with a grin on his face.

"Of course I could just make crumpets and tea" he said smiling at the scowl Xander gave him.

"Don't threaten me Giles" Xander growled good naturedly and blinked in surprise at the smile that brightened his face.

He saw the surprise and sobered, "I'm going to try Xander, that's all I can promise her"

"You told him" Xander said looking at Willow, sighing at her nod, "I thought you were going to wait?"

"Don't tell me you didn't dream of her again Xand, I was there" she said angrily, "You saw what I saw, I couldn't wait"

"What did she show you?" he asked them with trepidation.

"What happened in the cemetery" Willow whispered, watching with wide eyes as he began to shake uncontrollably, sliding from the sofa to the floor on his knees.

"I had to" he gasped staring at his hands, clasped so tightly together in an attempt to stop them shaking they were turning white, "I couldn't...she wouldn't want...I had to!" he rambled looking up at them, silently begging them to understand.

"We know Giles, we know," Willow said in a rush, dropping to the floor next to him and gripping his shoulder, "It's ok, she doesn't blame you, we don't blame you"

"We don't Giles, we would have done the same thing" Xander said dropping down on his other side, gripping his other shoulder.

He gasped and sagged back against the sofa, taking them with him. He breathed deeply as they held onto him, telling him without words that they were there for him and he started to calm down.

"Thank you" he whispered when he finally had control and pushed himself to his feet, "Why don't you two get showered and dressed and I'll start breakfast"

"Deal" Xander said jumping eagerly to his feet and racing from the room, reminding him of the teenager he was and in some ways will always be.

"It's going to take time Giles," Willow said softly, pushing herself up onto the sofa and watching him open the fridge.

"I know," he responded still looking away from her, unable to meet her kind gaze, "go, get yourself sorted, breakfast will be ready when you get back".

Willow watched him for a few more seconds then stood and made her way back to her room, not completely convinced he was as put together as he wanted to believe he was.

For the next week he did his best to seem better, if only to appease their worry. He took them into town and showed them all the popular tourist places and some of the well hidden ones as well. They ate at his favourite restaurants and walked around the city, not noticing his occasional twitches and pained gasps as his eyes skittered over the street around him while they were busy buying souvenirs.

They told him about Sunnydale and the new Slayer who had come to take over after Faith had died in prison, not seeing the guilty blush spread over his cheeks because he knew that it had been an executive decision by the board to eliminate Faith after Buffys death. He was relieved to hear that the Hellmouth was being kept under control and that the Watcher in charge had asked if they would be willing to offer assistance should they need it.

He was pleased to learn that Willow had graduated college with honours and was planning on attaining a masters in mythology and ancient languages after being approached by the Watchers Council to become a Watcher. Xander was now running his own business and had already secured a contract to renovate the Highschool and was planning his wedding to Anya who was flourishing. Willow told him that Tara was doing really well and was working with Anya at the Magic Box, offering tarot readings and aura cleansing.

He smiled at that and told them to write as often as they wanted, point blank refusing to acquire a computer so Willow could email him, and to call him anytime. They hadn't noticed the way he would touch his ring with his thumb when he talked of the future and he managed to hold onto the ridged control he was exerting over himself until he was alone in his study or bedroom, letting the grief and regret flow through him as they slept.

When he saw them off at the train station he agreed to keep in contact and promised that when he was ready he would come for a visit, smiling kindly at them until they were out of sight. He turned to leave and let the smile drop. He had plans, ones that didn't include Sunnydale, and he had work to do if he was going to fulfil his promise to Buffy.

XXXXXXXXXXX

It had been ten years since he had last seen Willow and Xander. Ten years since he had amended his will and interred Buffys remains in his family crypt. Ten years since he had sold all of the property he owned except for his flat in Bath, signed over his flat in Sunnydale to Xander, liquidated all of his assets and redefined his job description with the council.

He had travelled all over the United Kingdom, revisiting his history and seeing the places he never had time for in his youth. Then he had left the country and never looked back.

He had sent a letter once a year to Sunnydale, including a cheque when Xander married Anya and another when Willow was accepted into the Watchers Council with Tara at her side. Sometimes he included a picture or two of him in front of a monument or a sunset or of a landscape that he had found peaceful and he had ended every letter with 'I'm doing well' knowing they wouldn't be able to tell that he was lying.

The pain was still as sharp as it had been when she had died and even though he was doing what she had wanted him to do, his heart wasn't really in it. He hadn't taken another lover, or even been on a date, because in his mind he was still hers and anything he did would be a betrayal.

He saw her everywhere he went. The sunset full of warm reds and glowing oranges reminded him of how alive she had been, the dawn always reminded him of her smile and how it always brightened his day whenever he saw it. Whenever he saw a butterfly his heart would lurch painfully in his chest at the memory of her joyful laugh when they came across a field of them when they had taken a walk in the woods during the summer they had first started dating.

Every once in a while he thought he had actually seen her, his heart soaring with joy that he had been granted his only wish, that she would visit him the way she had Xander and Willow, only to crash in defeat when he looked again and saw that it was just a blonde woman enjoying a holiday with her husband and children.

He had stopped drinking all the time, limiting himself to having one at night and indulging only when he couldn't stem the pain any longer and needed the oblivion the alcohol brought, which was still fairly often. Around the anniversary of her death he always found himself in a remote, isolated part of the world, somewhere he could be alone and allow himself to remember her.

When the first memories had surfaced he had collapsed under the weight of the grief and pain that flooded through him. But he had survived it and the hole in his heart had started to heal. So every year he dropped the barriers and remembered as much as he could stand then carried on as he had been.

The work he did for the Watchers council allowed him to revisit his roots in archaeology, taking him to ancient temples and dig sites, searching for artefacts and texts pertaining to the Slayer in the far flung forgotten corners of the world. It allowed him to help without being physically involved with the on going war against evil and he slept easier because of it.

Now he was back in England. His last doctors visit in Australia a few months ago having told him what he already knew, the blood he had been vomiting wasn't exactly a sign of perfect health. He dropped his battered backpack and suitcase at the door to his flat and fished out his keys, jumping in surprise when the door opened before he had managed to remove them from his pocket.

"Willow?"

"Hey, long time no see" she said her eyes twinkling in amusement.

He picked up his bags and walked into his flat, shocked into silence at her presence. He looked around and realised that the surfaces that should be covered in dust were gleaming in the midday light and the air was fresh and clean instead of musty and dry.

"How did you know I was coming back?" he asked as he deposited his bags on the sofa.

"I didn't," she said standing in the middle of the living room with her arms crossed over her chest, "I come in every few months to pick up the mail and give the place a clean" she told him, pointing to the pile of mail on his dining table.

He smiled and looked down at the floor, "Thank you for doing that Willow but..."

"Don't start with the 'you didn't need to' crap" she snapped and he looked up in surprise at her tone, "You disappeared on us, vanished, poofed out of existence and I didn't know what to do so I phoned the Council and they told me what you were doing so when I was excepted into the Council I came to England to do my training and wait for you to come back"

He sighed and walked around the sofa, enfolding her in his arms, "I've missed you" he said, smiling at her laugh, "And thank you, truly, but I'm fine you don't need to worry"

"Pfft, like that's possible" she said with a roll of her eyes, "will you be staying long?"

"I'm back for the foreseeable future" he told her returning to his bags and beginning to unpack them.

"Good, well I hadn't planned on actually seeing you so I have plans, do you want me to cancel them?" she asked watching as he removed Buffys globe and put it back in its place on his mantle, his fingers lingering for a few seconds before turning back to his bag and removing a stack of neatly folded clothes.

"Not at all, we'll have time to catch up when you are able to" he said giving her an easy grin, "I no doubt have a few correspondences to catch up on and other such matters and I need to report to the Council so I am actually going to be very busy for a few days myself"

"Oh, alright then, well now you're back in the country you can phone me," she said with a touch of reproach, "Oh and you might wanna call Xander, Anya is due with number two any day now and he could really do with hearing from you"

He looked up in surprise, "Number two!"

She smiled sadly at him and patted his arm, "See what you miss travelling the world?"

He felt the heat in his cheeks as he looked away guiltily, "It's what I needed to do" he said softly.

"We know and I'm glad you did, you look good Giles" she said kissing his cheek, "Call me, I mean it" she said sternly as she collected her things and waited expectantly for his nod, "See you soon" she said and left him alone.

He sighed with relief as he finally let the glamour fall, revealing the physical signs of his illness, and finished unpacking before heading to his office and working his way through the piles of mail he had carried into his study, relieved when he saw the dust on his desk.

After a few hours he phoned Xander and congratulated him on the children, making small talk and listening to him fill him in on the last ten years. Although he had received news of them when he called the Council to report on a find, it was only when he spoke to Wesley, which was rare as he was kept relatively busy with his extensive work load. Wesley had returned to the fold in order to better help Angel in his calling, the Council welcoming him back and even tolerating Angels involvement which had been a surprise to both of them.

After an hour on the phone he had fixed himself some dinner, taken his pills and settled in his living room with his notebook and the ever present knowledge that he didn't have much time left as he continued to write down his report on the last find.

He had put off meeting with Willow successfully for the last few weeks, a feat made easier by her busy life with the Council, but he had had to capitulate when she had threatened to move in if he didn't meet her for lunch the next day.

His health had steadily declined at an increasing rate and his doctor was talking about palliative care at a hospice considering he wasn't eligible for a transplant because of his drinking. He had refused saying he wanted to die at home and had endured the speech about how he should have sought treatment sooner.

He was tired, despite the time only being just after seven, so he gave in, put away his work and stood to retrieve her globe. He paused in the doorway as he made his way to his bedroom and returned to his desk, fishing his will out of the locked drawer and setting it neatly in the middle of the blotter before pulling the pad from his other draw and writing a note to Willow. He did this every night only to return the will to the drawer and burn the note in the morning.

He lay in his bed, out of breath from the short walk from the bathroom and lay facing her, watching the colours dancing in the evening light pouring through his bedroom window. He reached over and lifted it from his bedside table, careful not to disturb the note he had left there, and held it to his heart with a sigh then closed his eyes with a smile on his face.

"Hiya handsome" Buffy said, standing next to his bed and smiling down at him.

"Buffy" he breathed her name in relief, and sat up, "Why haven't you appeared to me before? I've waited so long"

Her smile slipped from her face as she bent to pull him to his feet, "You weren't ready"

"I've missed you, every day I missed you and the pain..." he said letting go of her hands and lifting his to her face, his eyes travelling over every inch of it.

"I know" she said laying her hands on his chest and closing her eyes at the feel of his skin touching hers, "I've been with you the whole time"

"Will you stay?" he asked as his fingers slipped into her hair.

"Forever and ever" she whispered, leaning up and pressing her lips to his.

He moaned in relief, the moment he had been longing for finally here, and he kissed her back letting the last eleven years fall away, letting all of the pain and guilt and grief go, his whole heart beating with the love and happiness that had been missing from his life.

She pulled back and laughed in delight when he chased her lips for more, not willing to let her go just yet. He stopped when she pulled away and opened his eyes, seeing the glow that Willow had told him of ten years ago and his smile felt natural for the first time in a long time.

"Are you really staying with me?" he asked hopefully, his eyes locked on hers.

She saddened slightly and let go of him, walking around him and sitting on his bed. He blinked in shock when he saw her lay a hand on his shoulder, her other hand covering his still holding the globe to his chest.

"I died" he whispered finally understanding why she was here.

She nodded as a tear fell from her lashes and splashed on to his skin, glowing slightly before disappearing.

"Why are you crying my love?" he asked, pulling her away from his body and into his arms, "We're together again, isn't that a good thing?"

"Oh, it's definitely of the good Giles," she said into his chest, "but you were supposed to live again, get married, have baby Giles' and be happy"

"I did live Buffy. I've seen the world, been to places I've always wanted to see, found things that will help the Slayers of the future, made sure that Xander and Willow were happy," he said pushing her back to look at her, "but I could never be happy or marry or have children, not without you"

"Because you felt like you would be betraying me" she said, trying to hide the happy smile and failing miserably.

"I know it wasn't rational love, but every woman who would look at me with interest just didn't have a hope of holding a candle to you" he said smiling back at her as her eyes began to shine with unshed tears.

"I almost came to you a million times," she said softly, her fingers lightly tracing his face, "every time I saw you cry or moan in pain I wanted so much to come to you and tell you that I was there but I couldn't" she said dropping her head to his chest as she drew circles on his lower back, his fingers brushing through her hair.

"Then why didn't you?" he asked in a whisper, needing to know the answer to a question he had asked himself over and over as each year had passed.

"They told me that if I interfered with your life then they would send me back, whole and alive, with my memories intact just to watch you die," she whispered, "my punishment would have been to live without you"

"Why?" he asked, shocked at her admission.

"I was told that you still had a part to play in the destiny of the Slayer line and that you wouldn't fulfil it if you became obsessed with finding and talking to me" she said looking up at him with a grin, "But you did it, that last discovery, majorly important"

"It was just a dusty pile of scrolls and a few amulets, how would that be so important?" he looked surprised but pleased and she bounced happily.

"No idea and right now I can't seem to care" she said jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist, "Watching sucks and now I get to do this I don't really wanna talk anymore do you?"

"Right now I can't think of a single thing to say" he said unable to stop himself from swinging her around with a laugh, memorising the exact sound of her happy giggle.

"Makes a change" she said once he had stopped and returned her to her feet, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Now you showing restraint and patience, that's the true miracle" he said, laughing when she smacked his chest with a pout.

He bent his head and kissed her again, ignoring his body behind them on the bed as he lifted her back into his arms. Finally happy again after what felt like a lifetime of misery.

They faded into the moonlight as one, leaving the happy laughter of a couple in love floating in the air behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm telling you something is wrong Xander, he wouldn't make plans then just not show up" she said into the phone that was braced between her ear and her shoulder as she unlocked the door to his flat, "No stay there, Anya will need you more than I do and little Sam and Sophie need their Daddy, I'll let you know when I've spoken to him"

She hung up and shut the door behind her, "Giles!" she called making her way back to his study, assuming he had disappeared into a pile of Sumerian scrolls. She stopped in surprise when she noticed the globe wasn't in it's usual place and hurried her steps to his bedroom instead.

She pushed open his door and frowned when she saw him still in bed, "Giles? Come on wake up" she said moving closer. Her frowned deepened when she saw how drastically he had changed in the few weeks since she had seen him last. His skin had a sallow tinge and his eyes looked like they had sunken into his head, his skin looked saggy and she could see how much weight he had lost.

"Giles?" she whispered, slowly reaching out a hand only to yank it back when she touched cold flesh, "Oh no"

She touched her shaking fingers to his neck and started to cry when she couldn't find a pulse. She gently touched her fingers to the hand still clutched around Buffys globe, "Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered brokenly.

Her eyes found the note with the words 'In the study' scrawled in his familiar if shaky script and she stood, walking in a daze to the room he told her to go to. She opened the door and gasped as Buffy looked back at her from several pictures around the room, finally understanding why he had kept the room locked. She walked forward and sat in his chair, blinking as she looked at the A4 sheet covered in writing, not seeing the words until she picked it up and read in silence as her tears fell freely down her face.

_Willow, _

_I'm sorry you had to find me this way and I'm sorry that I never told you that I was sick. I never wanted to worry you, or Xander._

_Don't cry for me, don't mourn me, remember me with a smile because these last ten years I have truly lived the best I could without her._

_But I couldn't fully live without her by my side. Every moment, every new experience, every new place, I have imagined her being there with me and that is how I was able to carry on._

_I always knew I would one day have to live without her but she was the best the Council has ever seen and always beat back the tide of evil that wanted to drown her. So I started to believe she would beat the fate that awaits all Slayers. She had survived so much, including the death of her mother, I truly believed that she would see old age. _

_And I know that she survived so long, in part, because we had you both by our side and I will forever be grateful for your friendship and support._

_Before her I waded through my life in a fog, only to realise this when she brought her sunshine into my life, and I knew I would forever be in darkness after she left me. She breathed life into me and before I knew it I was in love with her, how could I not be! _

_You know as well as I who she was and what she brought into our lives; her endless strength that had nothing to do with being the Slayer, her ability to love endlessly and fiercely, her courage, even her stubbornness and how she could be utterly selfish and thoughtless when she wanted to do something 'normal'… she was truly amazing and my life is empty without her. _

_My will has everything you need to know to go forward from here. I have left it all for you and Xander, and there are instructions on what I want you to do next, including what you need to do to make a globe for me if you so wish._

_I want to be with her. The urn holding her is big enough for two as I intended, and her globe and my ring should be placed with us in my family's crypt. My lawyer will help you to make the arrangements._

_Tell Xander that I'm proud of the man he has become, as proud as a father could be. And you, Willow, I'm proud of you too and everything you have accomplished and overcome since I met you. You were both faced with the fantastically impossible and instead of reacting like anyone would have you both chose to face it with us. Your strength and courage rivalled that of the fiercest warriors and you never ceased to amaze me. You both became very dear to me and my actions towards you have always been that of a father trying to protect his children from the horrors of life. _

_Don't make a fuss, I don't need a drawn out pompous ceremony, I always hated sitting through them as a young man and wouldn't wish that on anyone._

_I hope that I get to see her again, be with her in death as I wished to be in life, and if that is what awaits me then you can feel better knowing that I am finally, truly happy._

_I love you both _

_Giles _

She tried to reign in the heartbroken sobs that tore from her throat, she tried to stop the shaking that was fluttering the page in her hands. But she couldn't. So she stopped trying and let go.

Her mind reeled with what had happened, with the fact that his body lay thirty feet from where she sat. After ten minutes she started to calm, the phone calls she needed to make arranging themselves in order of importance in her head starting with Xander.

But she needed to be completely calm before she made any phone calls so she looked around at Buffy, smiling at her from every wall. She focused on the large frame on his desk and found a smile lifting the corners of her mouth, seeing both Buffy and Giles hugging, laughing and kissing.

Giles must have taken the pictures using magic as they seemed to be in sequence and the camera was too far away to have been taken at arms length. In the first one Buffy was sitting next to him on his bed, their arms around each other and she was staring up at the camera in wide eyed fascination.

The next picture in the sequence showed them looking at each other, Buffys hand on his cheek and she had to swallow rapidly to stop the lump that formed in her throat from choking her. They were looking at each other with such love and tenderness that her heart twisted in pain, finally understanding why Giles had been so racked with grief, why his pain ran so deep. The next picture showed Buffy straddling him, their arms wrapped tightly around each other, Giles' face the only one visible but his expression was so happy, so content, even with his eyes closed.

The last picture was what she always thought true love looked like to an outsider. Buffy had pulled back, the camera having moved to the side and had caught the couple in profile, both of them looking at the other with eyes that couldn't hide the love shining from their depths.

She absently stroked the frame with a finger as she smiled softly, seeing for the first time just how much her friends had meant to each other. She gently returned the frame to its place on his desk and picked up the phone, taking a deep breath as she listened to it ring.

"Hello" Anya answered and she could hear little Sam fussing in the background.

She swallowed heavily and took a deep breath, "Hey Ahn, is Xander there?"

"He's just taken Sophie up to bed," she said, "Are you ok? You sound awful"

"No, I'm really not ok," she whispered, wiping her cheeks as the tears started falling again, "Giles is, he uh, he died" she managed hoarsely, unable to stop the sob when she heard Anya whimper in shock, "I found him when I came to see him after he missed lunch" she explained gripping the phone tighter when she heard Anya sob, "He was just lying there in his bed, his hand still holding Buffys globe with a smile on his face"

"Are you sure?" Anya asked in a broken whisper, "I mean he could just be in a deep sleep..."

"I'm sure Ahn, I'm sorry to tell you like this"

"It's ok, well it's not ok, it really, really isn't ok" Anya sobbed, little Sam crying now as he picked up on his mothers distress.

"Ahn? What is it? What's wrong?" she heard Xander ask, his voice laced with worry. "Hello? Who is this?" he asked after he took he phone from his wife.

"It's me Xand" she said in a whisper, covering her mouth to muffle the sob as the line lapsed into silence.

"No" he whispered in denial, guessing what she was about to say and she took a couple of deep breaths.

"I'm...I'm so sorry Xand but he's gone" she whispered as the tears started to flow in earnest at his sobs.

"When?" he asked a few minutes later.

"Sometime during the night I think" she said, rubbing her face with the bottom of her shirt, "he left a note, I need to read it to you if you think you can hear it"

"Read it" he said, his voice shaking with grief.

She leaned forward and read the note in a soft voice, pausing more than once as her heart broke all over again at his words. She covered her face and cried with him after she had finished, her hand holding the phone so tightly she could hear it creak.

"What do we do now?" Xander asked once he had calmed enough to talk.

"I need to call Hollingsbrook and Wes, and Tara, you need to worry about your family, you can't leave them" she told him gently.

"I can't stay here and not say goodbye Will" he said stubbornly.

"Give me that phone" she heard Anya snap, "He'll be there in the morning"

"But what about the kids?" she asked, smiling slightly at the tut and sigh Anya gave at her question.

"I can manage for a few days, he needs to be there with you and I need him to say goodbye for me" Anya said, her voice wavering slightly.

"Thank you Anya" she said, relief evident in her voice. She would never have admitted she needed him there to hold her hand.

"I'll see you in the morning" Xander said, his voice heavy with grief, and hung up.

She replaced the phone and stared at it for a second before pulling her cell phone from her pocket and sending Tara a text asking her to come to Giles' as soon as she could. She waited for the reply and smiled at the response. Then she picked the landline back up and dialled Hollingsbrook's number, being professional and distant as she told him the news, nodding when he told her that he would send the medical team to collect Giles and start the protocol that was in place when a Watcher died.

Hollingsbrook was Travers' replacement and he was nothing like him. Professional but not aloof, thoughtful instead of selfish and best of all he seemed to be determined to drag the Watchers council into the twenty first century, already throwing out most of the stuffy old traditions that had made Giles' life so stressful and Buffy's life seem worthless. It had been his order that had led the Watcher to the Slayer that took over from Buffy to ask for their assistance should they need it.

"I am sorry for your loss Miss Rosenberg" he said once he had finished with his instructions, "We may not have met but by all accounts Rupert was a formidable man and an exemplary Watcher who deserves all the respect we can give him, I know he didn't want the ceremony but he deserves it and I will see what I can do to honour him properly"

She pulled the phone away from her ear as her face crumpled at his words, keening slightly as gratitude warred with her grief, "Thank you Franklin, that...that would be greatly appreciated"

"And as for the interment, well, I don't see why you can't do that alone with his closest friends and family" he continued kindly.

"We would like that, thank you" she said, closing her eyes in relief.

"The medical team should be with you shortly, is there anything I can do to help you through this?" he asked and she sobbed at his kindness.

"No thank you Franklin, Xander will be arriving in the morning and Tara is on her way here, there's nothing else I need"

"Quite so," he said and she heard his smile, "I will arrange for accommodation at the residences for Xander which will be ready when he arrives"

She shook her head, "Not necessary, he will stay with Tara and I, he won't want to be alone"

"Very well, once again I am sorry for your loss and I will inform your instructors that you will be taking a leave of absence for the foreseeable future"

"Thank you" she breathed and hung up just as a knock at the door disturbed the silence of the flat.

She stood and walked woodenly to the front door, opening it to find Tara standing there, her face echoing the sadness she felt, and she threw herself into her arms.

"He's gone, Tara, and I didn't even know he was sick" she wailed, burying her head in Tara's neck as she wrapped her in her arms.

"I know sweetie, I could feel it from the street" she whispered, her own tears falling.

"I need to call Wes" she said, pulling back and rubbing at her face.

Tara took her hand and held it between both of hers, "I'll be right beside you"

She nodded and guided them back to his study, returning to her previous position and picked up the phone. Once she was done she looked up at Tara standing in the hallway facing the bedroom that held his body, a curious frown on her face.

She stood and walked towards her, hurrying her steps when Tara started to move forward. She stopped in the doorway as Tara stood next to the bed, smiling sadly down at him as she bent at the waist and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before muttering a silent prayer. Then she turned and faced away from him, staring intently at a point a few feet from her.

"What can you see?" she asked, timidly stepping into the room and standing next to Tara. "He said he hoped to see her again, did he?" she asked knowing that Tara could see auras, even dead ones.

Tara looked at her with a smile and nodded, "They were here," she said in her soft voice, pointing to the spot she was staring at.

"So he was happy again?" she asked, choking on a sob when Tara nodded.

Tara took her hand and she moaned when she saw what Tara saw, the fading images of what she assumed were the spirits of Buffy and Giles, both of them smiling as he swung her around and she heard their tinkling laughter echoing around the room.

"I'd say they both were" Tara whispered pulling her shuddering frame against her body after she took the globe from his hand and held it tightly against her chest and guided her from the room.

She looked back over her shoulder at the picture of Buffy that sat next to his bed and blinked as the image shimmered. She smiled when she saw Giles materialise in the picture standing next to her, looking out at her with a smile on his face, Buffy looking up at him as if he was her whole world.

"Yeah me too" she whispered, looking down at the globe in her hand and breathing deeply for the first time since she found him as some of the crushing grief lifted from her heart.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"It's been ten years Giles" she said to the urn as she touched the pendant hanging around her neck, "I have a Slayer of my own now, every Watcher does, her name's Heidi. Those scrolls you found lead to a weapon that was made for the Slayer, buried in Sunnydale believe it or not, and a spell that could be used to activate every single Slayer ever born"

She stepped closer to the urn and laid a hand on the base of it, smiling sadly as she always did when she felt the warmth of the stone, still surprised that it wasn't cold.

"I'm still surprised the Council let me do it" she huffed out a chuckle and stepped away, looking over the inside of the crypt and at the names of his family that she had already memorised, "they said they were honouring your memory but I think they all just wanted the chance at an active Slayer"

She turned back to the urn and smiled wickedly, "Travers even got one but his Slayer is a lot like Faith was, it's hilarious" she laughed, "Xander has had another kid, he named him Robert but who am I kidding, you probably already know everything I tell you every time I visit"

She sighed and turned back to the urn, "I miss you, both of you" she whispered still holding onto her pendant. The purple and green resin stone containing the ashes from both of them had been around her neck for the last ten years acting as a talisman against her grief.

"We both do and we can remember you with smiles and laughter now, we tell the kids stories that have them in awe of you" she said with a sad smile, "they love their Aunt Buffy and Uncle Giles which reminds me, have you visited Sophie? She says she's seen you in her dreams"

She paused and waited for an answer that would never come and sighed, annoyed with herself that she still hoped it would. She closed her eyes as the memory of his funeral flooded her mind. She and Xander had clung to each other as they stood outside the crypt with Tara and Wesley and a few of the old school Watchers who had known Giles since he was a boy. Ethan had showed up as well, his grief real, hunched in on himself and his tears had made her reach out to him and hold his hand.

She smiled as she remembered the laugh that had erupted out of her when Xander had freaked after finding the rest of the pictures Giles had taken, unable to stop the giggle that slipped out when she remembered Ethan's curious grin when he wondered if Giles had ever enjoyed the memory he had captured which had made Xander freak again.

"Willow?"

She turned at Heidi's voice and waited for her to appear, "Yes Heidi?"

"Just wondering if you were nearly done, I still have to patrol" she said looking at the urn in fascination.

"Five more minutes ok then I'll do a locator spell so you can go straight to them" she said smiling at the spark of excitement in her eyes.

"Deal" she said happily and backed out of the crypt.

"You really should let her hone her instincts Willow" Giles said, his voice heavy with reproach.

She whirled around and slapped a hand over her mouth as she squeaked in surprise.

"Yeah Will, how'd you think I got so good" Buffy said, her voice amused as she stepped out from under Giles' arm and took his hand.

"Why now?" she asked in a whisper, her eyes rapidly filling with tears.

"Why not? And you're right we do know everything you tell us but we like it when you visit" Buffy said smiling happily at her.

"And we have visited Sophie in her dreams, she's a lovely little girl and quite the budding Witch" Giles said with an affectionate grin when she blinked in surprise at his words.

"She's a Witch?" she asked, already thinking of what Xanders reaction will be when she told him.

"He already knows," Buffy whispered with a mischievous grin, "we visited him too"

Willow blinked at them when she noticed they were fading, "Wait don't go!" she cried reaching for them as they smiled sadly.

"We just wanted to tell you we love you and that we're proud of you" Giles said, his voice fading along with his body.

"Help Sophie Will, she'll need you and make Heidi hone, don't cheat for her no matter how tempting it is" Buffy said then blew her a kiss.

"I love you too" she whispered as they disappeared.

Wiping her tears she bent and placed a kiss on each globe as she always did, smiling at the pictures behind them that had once been beside his bed and on his desk and walked out into the cool evening air, smiling at Heidi who was practising her katana while she waited for her.

"Ready to hone?" she asked her, still sniffing slightly.

"Huh? I thought you were gonna do a locator spell?" she asked looking at her with concern when she noticed the redness of her eyes.

"I just got some great advice and a reminder about what makes a Slayer great" she said mysteriously, smiling at the baffled expression on her Slayers face.

"Have you been at the magic herb in there Will?" she asked her with a cheeky grin.

She laughed and put an arm around her shoulders, "No I haven't, now stop stalling and hone like I showed you" she told her stepping away from her, "Close your eyes and concentrate"

She watched Heidi do as she instructed, smiling when she automatically turned and faced away from her a few minutes later, moving off in the same direction like a bullet from a gun.

"Good job Will" Buffys whisper floated around her and she closed her eyes as she touched her pendant.

She took a deep breath and centred herself before she latched onto Heidi's unique psychic signature and followed it.

"Thank you" she whispered, "For everything"


End file.
